She's 15

Fifteen today.  This one.  My first. So many firsts.  And she eases along.  Finding her way. Figuring out.Testing her wings. But hanging close.

This mother and daughter thing.  I question every single day.  Every. Single. Day. Am I preparing her? Am I giving her wings? Am I doing this right?  Am I teaching her everything she needs to know? Will she be ready?

You're 15 today.  In my mind we should still be singing our guts out to Disney songs.  Instead it's on an ever rotating pop radio station where every song sounds the same (to me) but still manages to make us break out in spontaneous dance every now and then.  In my mind I should still be able to lick my thumb and clean a smudge off your face.  Instead, you pull down the mirror from the visor and inspect it yourself.  In my mind we should still be questioning if you have four apples and take away one, how many apples do you have.  Instead you have complicated equations and formulas and variables and my mind can't wrap around it by listening alone.  I have to sit next to you, read it, get my bearings, read it again and take a deep breath.

A deep breath indeed.  You've made it to 15 in a blink of an eye.  It seems impossible and yet completely right at the same time.  I don't want to travel back or keep you a little girl.  For then I would miss all that you are right now.  All the stories we've shared along the way.  All the funny things. Wondrous things.  Scary things.  Quiet things.  Loud things.  Remarkable things.  And seeing you grow up has been exactly that.  Remarkable.  Something to be remarked upon.  That is why I reminisce every year on the day you were born.

Each step with you is a joy.  Each day a gift.  I'm so lucky to be your mom.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

I love you.  More than words can say.
Love,
Mom