HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN / HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along
the way, *cover* up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do
more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super
absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, *cover* up any exposed areas.
Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the *bed* and leave them
in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener
at her while making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off..
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub
the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off
towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.
WOO-WOO!!!
Snicker * Snicker * Giggle,
dana
4 comments:
LOL. (Although, I am not very much like the woman bit myself.)
LOL--oh my goodness, this is too funny. WOOO HOOO.
OMG! I was laughing pretty hard when (I just busted out in laughter again) I got to the part about the man admiring the size of his wiener but when I read where he farts, I couldn't control myself anymore! Great stuff! How can I email this to my friends? I know, I'll just point them to your whole blog! I found you through down-to-earth and have been reading for more than an hour now, Great blog!
Gee, how come only 3 comments...must be the days before the quilt giveaway, now you get 20 comments. You have a knack for the written word, a towel the size of a small country, too funny. I love it all, you should publish.
My husband is always flexing his muscles at me and he's 63...what's up with that?
Post a Comment