Thursday, January 22, 2015
The thoughts roll around my head like tumbleweeds. Some days are windier than others. Trying to attach words to those thoughts is harder than nailing jelly to a wall. As soon as I have them, they slip away. Seem irrelevant even. Sentences were forming as I walked the dogs this morning. About how my role as a mother seemed easier when they were little. Not easier, just more clearly defined. About how the daily drama of a teenage life is huge and all encompassing to a fifteen or thirteen year old mind. And exhausting to me. Maybe parenting a teen is really just adjusting to a new interpersonal relationship and maybe I suck at those. I lose my patience and play the "because I'm your mother" card more than I care to admit. Writing that makes me cringe and want to hit backspace. Deep breath. I'd hope writing about it would be cathartic and transformative but know that I haven't figured anything out. I don't seek a pep talk or pat on the back. I'm trying and loving and thinking and analyzing and vowing to do my best. I'll keep at it for I love them fiercely.
Labels: Life with kids