Over the last month my twelve year old daughter has been at the brunt end of two situations at school that have left her feeling hurt and confused.
Life isn't a fair game and that lesson hurts at any age. But at twelve it's not just a glancing swipe but a full on body blow.
And my heart breaks right there with hers.
-dana
P.S. These gorgeous desserts were made by this same beautiful twelve year old girl of mine. Am I lucky or what?
35 comments:
Ah, 12 year olds should not have to deal with mean people. Give her a hug for me.
when I was in grade 6 everything was awesome! my friends my school. I loved life. I played with my friends all summer. slumber parties, swimming even time at a camp together....3 weeks later, enter grade 7. first day of school. neither of my friends kept a seat for me on the bus. they stopped talking to me and then just wouldn't acknowlege me. all year. and for the rest until in University I met up with one of them again. I was polite but I couldn't mask how much of my life had been affected by their two faceness. She apologized and said they didnt have a good reason. They were just afraid that if they were my friend in grade 7 that tjhey wouldn't be cool. I'm sorry your daughter is going through anything that can hurt. I know you see her as a valuable person and my mother did too. I think that's the only reason I went on to make new friends and be myself. My mom helped me to like myself in spite of those who tried to put me down. Do not sell short the role a mom can play in the heart of a teenager. trying times for sure. I'll pray for her.
Oh Dana, we've so been there. Keep your chins up, Momma and Daughter! She and my daughter should get together... in the kitchen and out. They seem to have the same talent.
Sometimes it sucks big time being a kid. I know you will be cheerleading for her on the sideline of her life as she goes forward bravely each day.
totally the hardest part ever of being a parent.
This week was the one year anniversary of the earthquake that changed our lives, totally sucked to parent this week and walk beside my teens as they faced the emotions that brings.
As parents we need to stick together and encourage each other through the rough times.
consider yourself hugged from the bottom of the world Dana, you are doing a great job.
Love deb xxx
Oh isn't it hard enough to have to go through this once ourselves....now to have to live it through your daughter...it is so painful isn't it? Thank goodness she has you to help her through it, to remind her this is just a small piece of her life and their is plenty of goodness and kindness too.
Thanks for showing the chocolate instead of the pain on her beautiful sweet face.
big Hugs
Poor little lamb. I hope things get better for you. I'll be cheering for her on the sidelines.
What lovely skill she has in making such beautiful desserts. It made my tummy rumble.
You are blessed! I'm sorry she is going through these heartaches.
I was just praying for my daughters this morning in that regard.
Growing up sucks! Let her know she has lots of cheerleaders on her side & she's welcome to come hang with Sloan & I anytime. Pretty sure those 2 would get along like pb&j :)
Man twelve is an awful age when you are a loving, well adjusted child! It's so hard to watch because there doesn't seem to be any way to lessen this type of hurt and pain. Cooking beautiful desserts helps I think! My daughter used to do the same thing. Sending good thoughts her way.
Choclate, definitely a soul soother! Keep on keeping on :)x
Oh nuts, kids can be so mean and 12 is a crap age to have to deal with any sort of stresses.
She's onto something though with those amazing desserts! Yum!
aisling (Irish in Brussels )
Why is it that the majority of twelve-year-old girls suck? It is awful that your daughter has to feel the crappy end of things. The good news is that she will probably be a champion for those that end up on this end of the stick in high school and be a truly compassionate adult. I did, and I was on that end of the stick most of the time. Most of those girls that were mean to me didn't amount to much; the others outgrew the mean and became decent human beings. One of the biggest reasons the feminist movement has worked backwards in the last decade is that we as a society have done a miserable job of promoting compassion and unity in our young people. Instead, we teach them that coded messages, hyper-sexualization and female competition are the goals. Time to rematch Mean Girls.
Glad your lovely young woman has a mother that not only raised her to be awesome but also makes sure she knows how awesome she is. Well done.
oh so not fair... she's such a beautiful spirited child - and chocolate to boot!!! amazing!! Glad she has such a wonderful family -that helps!!!
oh, I feel her pain. that is such a hard age and mean people make it all the more worse :( sending big hugs her way. so happy she has an understanding mama to comfort her! and I tried to lick my monitor her dessert looks so good!!!
i remember coming home from school in middle school/high school and working in the kitchen. it was therapy for me. i remember my mom saying she learned how to cook as a senior in high school when her family moved. there can be some good things that come out of the pain - but those are the days i want to homeschool. my almost 12 year old makes lucious lemon bars! love that.
Awwww =-( Hugs from Auntie Deb in CA. Middle school sucks, and as moms we have to go through it again with each of our kids. Both you and your daughter are AWESOME and she WILL come out of it at the other side as beautiful as ever, and I mean beautiful inside and out. You are doing a great job, Mom, and she is so blessed to have you to lean on and learn from, as you are to have her to love. Hang in there, I know it's the hardest thing EVER when your child is hurting. xo
So sorry for both of you that she had a bad week. Sadly there are always mean people. But she has you so she will be ok.
My 24 y/o texted me the other day when a co-worker made her feel really bad. After our texting back and forth she said 'thanks Mama you made me feel better'. So your DD will always need a bit of cheering from Mom.
That desert is prettier than anything I could make.
I remember experiences like that myself at that age, and I remember my own daughter having similar experiences at that age. That cusp between childhood and becoming a young woman is a difficult time for a young girl. So glad your daughter has a loving and caring mom to be there for her, and parents who provide her a safe haven for retreating at the day's end.
it's not easy is it? wish we could protect them. my 10 y/o is experiencing girl and social issues too. bleck.
that is one of my very biggest fears. it breaks my heart hearing this happened to your daughter and strikes fear in mine knowing that it will happen to mine. i wish i could put her in a bubble with only kind people. xoxo
The best part of blogs is the compassion that is shared by so many. 12 to grown-up is a hard time for way too many kids. She is blessed to have a loving caring mother (and the development of some real talent as shown by the pictures. Best to both of you.
I just check a book out from the library called Mean Girls for my daughter. Sorry I don't remember the name of the author. (Christian Book) The book is at home and I'm at work. It gives some reasons why girls are mean and some suggestions how to handle situations. I was lucky to have a loving mother and home. That helped me so much. Glad you are able to provide that for your darling. (((Hugs to your Sweetie!!)))
Some days I am just shocked at how mean kids can be these days. ((hugs)) to both of you!
The book Linda in Calif suggested is a great read.
Ack! Don't you just want to yell to the top of the hills? But you both handled it perfectly...compassion and chocolate...have her read the above. I think she won't feel so alone!
xo
It's so very hard Dana to watch your little one go through something like this. Some kids just aren't taught how to be nice people and they take out their awful behavior on others. Just learn from this and know that you pick your friends wisely and that you don't have to be friends with everyone. And to be very thankful that she has a most wonderful, loving Mom and Dad at home to be comforted by. That is what is the most important in life.
Hugs!
Give Licious a hug for me. That pudding looks soooo good too!!
I've been working at the local middle school since early January and I am amazed every day at how mean the kids can be to each other. It's fifth through eighth grade and I am SO not ready for my DS to be there in the fall.
Hope Boo is doing okay. Tell her that the desserts look delicious and chocolate is always a good start to healing a bruised heart. :)
Oh that is just heartbreaking! 12 is such a hard age and there is no way I would want to go back to that...it's no easier for boys other than they are less likely to tell you what's wrong and you are left wondering, but I would gladly go through it myself all over again rather than watch a child of mine experience it. My heart goes out to your daughter, just remind yourself, it's just a stage and this too will pass...until the next life lesson, hang in there!
Having raised three daughters, I understand what you are saying. Kids can be so cruel. When I was raised in the 60's and 70's, it just wasn't allowed. If our parents found out we were being mean, well, we got it! Unfortunately that doesn't happen any more. You just keep reinforcing to that beautiful child she is smart, funny, beautiful, and awesome in every way and make sure her home is a place she is accepted and loved no matter what, and she will be just fine.
Just sending you and your daughter hugs... hope thing get better.
Btw gorgeous desserts...im feeling rather hungry now :-)
My heart breaks for you {and her too}! I have a girl in kindergarten and have been dealing with some hard issues this week too...who knew it would start so early!
bullies and mean girls and boys!? why?......i hope it stops soon and give her a big hug and a kiss from me, i know you don't know me it's just a universal thing.passing kindness on.
This is so hard. I've heard that 7th grade is the hardest for girls. Avery was lucky and bypassed this but I fear for Riley here. These are character building times. We feel for you and know you both have our love and support.
you obviously have a wonderful daughter. kids can be so mean to one another. I pray that she can find peace in this situation and be strenghthened. Gosh, I still remember this age and it can be very challenging. But you seem to be just what she needs in a mother. God bless you both.
Ok - I am really behind on my blog reading. I hope that things are brighter for your sweet girl. 12 is hard. Growing up is harder than it has to be. She's blessed to have you as her champion as she navigates the rough waters of adolescence. Prayers for both of you.
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