Over the last few months I've spent less time clicking my fingers on the computer keyboard and more time trying to catch a ride on the freight train that is my oldest daughter's adolescence. Behind closed eyes I see the day she was born, the hours spent rocking and nursing and singing and cooing. The joy and wonder in each new accomplishment and discovery of her toddler ways. I can still feel her at my elbow trying to mirror my every daily task.
And here we are. Interviewing for special programs for her freshman year of high school next year. Hearing family members that haven't seen her in awhile say how grown up she is. Waiting to put the car into drive while she loads all her stuff for her busy days of activities into the back of the car. Wasn't I just buckling her into a car seat?
A special family had a baby two weeks ago and they are knee deep in sleepless nights and the topsy turvy world that a first born baby does to a family. The wonderful. The hazy. The exhausting and hard. The confidence busting . . . and building world of a first born.
I remember being there. With her.
I keep trying to find the conductor of this train and beg him to put the brakes on. She seems to have the direct line to him and keeps texting him to go faster.
Though I no longer hold her like a swaddled football tucked safely in my arms like the new mama we know does, I hold her nonetheless. She is forever tucked there.
-dana
22 comments:
Dang, they grow so fast!!!!
Fun times Dana!
sorry to tell you that the train keeps on going. Newborns or teens/young adults the sleepless nights are still there. When my kids tell me to not worry, I will them that it is my job to worry. But we love them unconditionally and forever. I can't imagine my life with out my three! How boring my life would have been.
Oh my. I feel your dismay and tell you to hang on because it doesn't stop :0).
What a lovely young lady, I know you are so proud of her.
Happy Sewing, Happy Spring, Happy Mothering
It's a bittersweet time. As their mamma, you want them to be prepared for adulthood, to go out and put their mark on the world...and yet, your mamma's heart wants to hold them tight and not let go.
The hardest part for me was the realization that I was no longer the center of my daughter's world. Take heart, though. The adult relationship you two will one day share will 'almost' compensate. I hear the 'real' compensation is grandkids, but I'm still waiting on that!
Beautifully written, Dana. My two boys have grown up too quickly into young men and I have also been wondering where the years have gone. I cherish each day I have with them now, and I see you do this as well..
Blessings on the journey!
Amen. My oldest just got her college acceptance letter last week. Oy!!
Amen. My oldest just got her college acceptance letter last week. Oy!!
It's quite a ride though, isn't it Mom?
Isn't that the truth.
With 2 seniors this year (college/hs), I know I just brought them home from the hospital and they can't be where they are now.
I'm not ready for them to be so big even though I am.
I love your post. It sums it up so well what moms/dads all go through as their little ones grow, learn to fly, and then leave the nest.
Dang, now I need to call my son, have him come home so I can hold him on my lap for a bit. Don't care he's taller than me, he's still my baby boy. ;) Girl already got that treatment this week. :D
Such beautiful sentiments Dana. My youngest is only 6 weeks and it already feels like it is going too fast!
I rarely comment but I have to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. You seem like such a grounded woman with her priorities right where they should be (imho!). Thank you for writing such a lovely post and sharing your gorgeous daughter with us.
Yes Dana, they do grow up so fast. My baby is here visiting this weekend from Oregon and she just turned 25. Oh, the memories. Cherish every one as long as you can!
Such a great post Dana.
You made me cry, Dana. My first is 31 now and I can still close my eyes and be right back in our '80s condo, nestled with him as he slept in my arms, awash in the wonder of it all. I can still smell that clean baby smell, feel the complete and utter love a mother feels. And then he calls, we meet, and I feel that love in real time. It never stops, only evolves and continues to grow, and overwhelms in its infinite depth. Hugs to you both!
oh, dana... so true... i can barely remember the haze of those early days, but all i ever wanted was to be a mom. i was so completely content to be with this new life. i realized this just the other day, while sitting in church, where she held my hand and put her head on my shoulder. now she is almost 13. i am trying so hard to savor every conversation and moment we have! xo
You probably already know that slowing it down is futile (I tried and the heels marks from hanging on to the rope are very deep) so you may as well jump on board and enjoy the ride... and the view! She's a beautiful child.
How fun to look back like this! I know you cherish always being able to hold her tight. Just imagine all the wonderful things life has in store for her future. Makes me appreciate the wonderful friendship I've had with my mom as a young adult and older adult.
My heart felt a little tug there, too. High school...say it isn't so!
As a mother to two daughters, I send you hugs:) Mine are adults, but forever in my heart. Hang on and enjoy the ride!
This morning I took my youngest to get her drivers permit. In August I will send my oldest off to college! If you find that conductor, please run him off the tracks for me too!
Such a lovely young lady. ;)
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