Thursday, March 7, 2013
Over the last few months I've spent less time clicking my fingers on the computer keyboard and more time trying to catch a ride on the freight train that is my oldest daughter's adolescence. Behind closed eyes I see the day she was born, the hours spent rocking and nursing and singing and cooing. The joy and wonder in each new accomplishment and discovery of her toddler ways. I can still feel her at my elbow trying to mirror my every daily task.
And here we are. Interviewing for special programs for her freshman year of high school next year. Hearing family members that haven't seen her in awhile say how grown up she is. Waiting to put the car into drive while she loads all her stuff for her busy days of activities into the back of the car. Wasn't I just buckling her into a car seat?
A special family had a baby two weeks ago and they are knee deep in sleepless nights and the topsy turvy world that a first born baby does to a family. The wonderful. The hazy. The exhausting and hard. The confidence busting . . . and building world of a first born.
I remember being there. With her.
I keep trying to find the conductor of this train and beg him to put the brakes on. She seems to have the direct line to him and keeps texting him to go faster.
Though I no longer hold her like a swaddled football tucked safely in my arms like the new mama we know does, I hold her nonetheless. She is forever tucked there.
Labels: Life with kids