Friday, February 21, 2014

Mothering right now


These words have been rolling around in my brain for days, weeks, months. Snippets of sentences really because I can't seem to string enough of them together to make paragraphs, much less a coherent essay. I think/examine/wonder.  When my daughters were little, mothering seemed more concrete.  Feed. Bathe. Teach. Repeat. I made sure we had everything we needed when we walked out the door. I made all of their decisions. My worries were nutrition, sleep, a pesky cough that would keep us up until the wee hours of the morning. And I could make eye contact with another mother of young children and we could smile, nod and intuitively know we were having a similar experience. These days I often feel adrift... interesting choice of words considering what I wrote in August. My role.  Or more precisely, my effectiveness in this role seems elusive. When they were little I hardly had time to do anything but care for them. Today I wonder if what I'm doing is enough.

-dana

16 comments:

Kar said...

I feel like I'm on the same boat with you Dana. I figure as long as we see that they have a kind beautiful heart and make smart decisions, we have done a great job. The picture of the girls is so adorable! If they could just stay little just a smidge longer. Have a wonderful weekend with those wonderful girls! :)

DebbyMc said...

Everything you have done in the past with your girls makes what you're doing now enough. You've done and given your best and now, each day, they take that and start to run on their own. You could not have done more than your best. And that best is amazing! They are fantastic humans, and living proof that you are, too! Mothering is HARD! But, the very best job in the world, too!

Jackie said...

Awww. You are preparing them to be responsible and independent. You are transitioning and that must be so hard to do.

Sara said...

I will file this away for when I am handling that age with my boy AND girl at separate times;)!

I do think that you are doing the best that you know how and they are flourishing because of it. They are going to be great young women someday because of you!

Lynn said...

Yes of course it's enough! Having high school age and college aged I can tell you that you will have doubts, but you know, it's that concrete foundation that matters. They'll build on that their whole lives.

Lucy @ Charm About You said...

Dana the very fact that you're wondering means you're doing more than enough! Be kind to yourself xx

Trudi said...

Jackie has it spot on! You are giving the space to grow into young women x

Denise said...

I recently had similar thoughts and after a conversation with a mother at church that I have always admired I came away feeling a bit better. She shared with me that when our kids are little we are their managers; managing everything about them. When they hit the teenage years we become like a consultant, asking lots of questions, guiding them thru these crazy turbulent years, that change for all of us. Finally in the adult stages we are like coaches, letting them live their lives, but giving guidance when asked and standing back to pat ourselves on the back at the good job we have done. Hope this helps you a bit; helped me to see my role as mom in a different light. : )

sallgood said...

Every age and every stage has it's challenges and blessings! And sometimes it's hard to tell those two things apart while you're in the middle of them…:D

Kim said...

I agree with DebbyMC.
Your girls have a strong foundation, and have the courage to be independent enough not to have you manage them anymore, and smart enough to know you are there for them every step of the way. I don't think a mother ever knows all the good she does everyday just by loving her children and letting them know how much they are loved.

Motherhood the toughest job you'll ever love!

Happy Sewing

dolores said...

Ditto what everyone above said!:)

Because you question....it is enough!:)
xoxo

cat and vee xoxo said...

oh this brought tears to my eyes! My girls are 10 and 12 - my oldest started grade 8 this year, which is high school over here in Australia. I am determined to believe that every age is the best age, as otherwise I would be teary all the time, and wishing they could always stay little and needing me. They do still desperately need me, but just in a different way. Here's to you, and the awesome mother that you are and always have been. And here's cheers to being the Mum of two gorgeous girls too! I am so grateful to be so abundantly blessed with being their mother. Cat xx

charlotte said...

Dana, you are a very good mother. I know this, even though I have never met you in person because I read your posts here and I can see how important your family is to you. You can never know how good a job you do until years later when you see them all grown up, maybe with children of their own. Then, you smile and know that you did your best at each moment along the journey, and it was good enough. That's where I am now. You will be there some day too.

Menton quilter said...

I have been reading your posts for over a year now - living in the UK, France and now Australia. From the snippets of your life through your posts you are an inspiration to me as a mother! When I am tired, frustrated and having a bad day I often think of what you would say/do... although I unfortunately do not often make the correct choices :(

beth lehman said...

oh, dana... i remember my sister-in-law telling me her girls needed her more through middle school and high school than they did when they were younger. being there for them when they came home, taking them to appointments, having conversations in the car they wouldn't otherwise have. she was so grateful she hadn't gone back to work. now that i'm there i see she's right. i have no idea if anything i do is right (similar to when they were little in that way..!!), but i know being available and present in their lives is possibly the best gift i can give them.

beth lehman said...

oh, dana... i remember my sister-in-law telling me her girls needed her more through middle school and high school than they did when they were younger. being there for them when they came home, taking them to appointments, having conversations in the car they wouldn't otherwise have. she was so grateful she hadn't gone back to work. now that i'm there i see she's right. i have no idea if anything i do is right (similar to when they were little in that way..!!), but i know being available and present in their lives is possibly the best gift i can give them.